So here I stand...naked. That's what it feels like anyway. Finally admitting that you have a problem with eating and weight is like someone stripping you naked and throwing you out of a moving van in the Wal-Mart parking lot. You're rolling, your rolls are rolling and there you are, naked among the pajama and tube top wearing customers of Wal-Mart. The funny thing is, while I'm sure even the people who love me the most know I'm losing this battle with weight, I really only found out I was fat last week. That's right, denial has a name and it's name is Mindy. I don't mentally suffer from being overweight. I don't, I promise. I'm confident. Oddly confident some would say. I'm 5'4 and weigh about 150lbs over what I should. Yep, that's 150lbs, unfortunately not a damn typo. In my head I'm 5'9" and look a lot like a supermodel. YAY for self confidence. That's not to say that I haven't had moments where people have tried to take their jabs. It has definitely happened. The funny part is that as my weight has gone up and down over the years, the jabs are usually worse when I'm just a little overweight. My personal favorite was when I only weighed about 20lbs more than my super slim sister and I was high as a kite dieting on Chinese herbs. I could see sounds and feel my hair grow. It. Was. Amazing! My sis and I were introduced to a man who said "Shew, looks like you always beat your sister to the grub plate." I feel like I can be honest and tell you that it was the one time in my life that I wanted to kick the shit out of an old man. I didn't, but the want was there. That was 20 years ago and still stings.
Cut to today. 150lbs. overweight, married to my second and last husband, even if Ryan Reynolds becomes available. He loves me no matter what. He says it and I believe it. My husband, not RR (he doesn't need to he's my side piece yet). Don't tell him. I'm a Mom of 2 young men that I adore. The problem is, my body and health are the white elephant in the room. Literally and figuratively, it's spring, so I'm pretty pale. It's time to take care of that with bariatric surgery and huge life changes.
I will not be ashamed of this. it will only hinder my progress. I will not let cruel words hurt me. I'm stronger than that. I will not let fear define me. I'm scared of nothing. This is my journey, this is OUR journey. Every friend, every overweight man or woman, my husband, my sons, my family. Here begins our Rocky Road.
Chocolate, marshmallows and giggles, Mindy